MOTO NGANTOK BLOG

HELLO OUT THERE TO ALL FELLOW "CRUSHERS"!

I MUST SAY THIS MONTH'S BLOG IS A MOST POSITIVE ONE, (FINALLY! AS I ACTUALLY HATE TO BITCH AND MOAN!) I DO WANT TO MAKE AN OMISSION: WITH LAST MONTHS BLOG ABOUT BEING 100 ANTI GAY, I MEANT IN REGARDS TO ALL ESTABLISHMENTS IN THE WILTON MANORS/ FT. LAUDERDALE/BROWARD COUNTY AREA..

I AM ACTUALLY HEADING TO AMSTERDAM FOR A VACATION, ORGANIC ANNIHILATION, AND THE FIRST PLACE OUTSIDE OF ISRAEL WHERE THERE IS 100% GYM HYGIENE/COURTESY, AND NO HIV/AIDS ZOMBIES WHO PICK THEIR NOSES, AND THEN TOUCH THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS, OR EQUIPMENT..IRONICALLY IT WILL BE "GAY PRIDE WEEK" AS WELL, BUT I WILL HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR AS THEY KNOW GYM HYGIENE/COURTESY!

HOWEVER, LET ME START WITH SOME TIMELINE EVENTS, BEFORE WE GET TO THIS MONTHS GYM REVIEW..

AS YOU ALL READ ABOUT MY GLORIOUS EXPERIENCES WITH "L.A FITNESS", I FOUND IT INTERESTING THAT A MONTH LATER AFTER GETTING BOOTED OUT, I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM ONE OF THEIR BILLING DEPARTMENTS, STATING THAT WHEN THEY TRIED TO CHARGE ME ( I HAD A MONTHLY CONTRACT) THE CHARGE COULDN'T GO THROUGH, AND THERE WAS A FREEZE ON MY CREDIT CARD. WELL NO SHIT! I HAD CALLED THE CREDIT CARD COMPANY AND TOLD THEM NOT TO LET "L.A. FITNESS" CHARGE MY ACCOUNT..I HAD READ ON THE GOOGLE REVIEWS HOW MANY PEOPLE HAD STILL BEEN CHARGED WHEN THEY WERE NO LONGER: 1) MEMBERS-EXPIRED OR 2) FOR WHATEVER REASONS, HAD CANCELLED... ALWAYS CALL YOUR BANKS/CREDIT CARD COMPANIES AFTER LEAVING THE GYM! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS A FRANCHISE GYM... I WILL SAY I HAD AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION WITH THE BILLING DEPARTMENT PERSON- "MICHEAL" AND HE WAS CALLING FROM AN OFFICE IN CALIFORNIA.

.APPARENTLY THERE IS NO CO-ORDINATION BETWEEN ANY PART OF "L.A. FITNESS'" OFFICES, I TOLD HIM HOW I WAS KICKED OUT OF THE FT. LAUDERDALE BRANCH, AND ASKED HIM IF ANY OF THEIR FACILITIES OUT THERE IN "LA LA" LAND HAD SHIT SPLATTERED TOILETS, AND OF COURSE HE SAID NO, SO I TOLD HIM TO PLEASE MAKE A NOTE THAT I WAS KICKED OUT AND NO LONGER A MEMBER, SO PLEASE DON'T CALL AGAIN, AND HE SAID NO PROBLEM.. THAT WAS ON A FRIDAY EVENING.. THE FUNNY THING WAS I HAD ACTUALLY GOTTEN OVER IT BY THEN, BUT GETTING THAT PHONE CALL PISSED ME OFF.. . SO IMAGINE HOW PISSED OFF I WAS THE FOLLOWING DAY WHEN I GET A PHONE CALL FROM ANOTHER BILLING DEPARTMENT FROM "L.A FITNESS" FOR THE SAME DAMN THING, AND THE DAY AFTER AS WELL! THEY MUST REALLY HIRE ALL OF THE "THIRD READING GROUP" KIDS... AND JUST 2 DAYS AGO, ANOTHER CALL..THE RUDEST PART IS THEY ARE TOO CHICKEN SHIT TO LEAVE A VOICE MAIL.. SO ANY WAY I'M TALKING TO THIS PENCIL JOCKEY, AND I TOLD HIM TO STOP CALLING, CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE "L.A FITNESS" IS INVOLVED IN SOME CREDIT FRAUD...I GAVE HIM MY BLOG ADDRESS, AND TOLD HIM TO CHECK OUT MY PICS...HE SAID THE PICTURES WOULDN'T HOLD UP IN AS ADMISSIBLE EVIDENCE IN COURT, AND I WASN'T ALLOWED TO TAKE PICTURES, WHICH I REPLIED, THAT I DIDN'T SEE THAT ON THE CONTRACT,..I ALSO SAID I REALLY DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN, BUT AT LEAST THEIR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET WOULD BE EXPOSED.. I AM LOGGING CALLS, AND BLOCKING THEIR NUMBERS..THEY HAVE BILLING DEPARTMENTS IN A FEW STATES..WEIRD, HMMMMM?

ANYWAY, IN MY QUEST FOR ANOTHER GYM, I TRAVELLED 20-30 MINUTES NORTH TO "LIGHT HOUSE POINT", FLORIDA,  I WENT THERE ON MY GOOGLE SEARCH, AND I HAD ACTUALLY FLIPPED A COIN, TO GO EITHER NORTH, OR SOUTH..I AM ACTUALLY PLEASED TO HAVE GONE NORTH!

I WAS LOOKING FOR WHAT WAS LISTED ON GOOGLE AS "POWERHOUSE GYM", SO THE MORNING I LEFT TO CHECK IT OUT FOR A DAY, I COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING THAT SAID "POWERHOUSE", AND WITH THE "ANIMAL PAK" KICKING IN, I JUST TURNED INTO THIS PLAZA THAT HAD A PLACE CALLED "LIGHTHOUSE POINT FITNESS", ONE OF THOSE MOM & POP TYPE PLACES.. ALTHOUGH A LITTLE SMALL, THERE IS A GREAT SELECTION OF EQUIPMENT, ENOUGH SPRAY BOTTLES AND SANITIZER STATION, AND CURRENTLY I'D SET THE "GYMTARD" RATING AT 2%! YES TWO PERCENT!  NO HIV/AIDS ZOMBIES WALKING ABOUT, AND WHEN I ASKED THIS YOUNG DUDE POLITELY TO WIPE UP HIS SHADOW, NO PROBLEM! THERE IS ONE TRAINER, AT LEAST ON THE WEEK DAYS/ A.M SHIFT THAT HAS A PROBLEM WITH WIPING HER CLIENTS SLOP UP, BUT THE MANAGER/OWNER WAS UNDERSTANDING..WE'LL SEE.. HOWEVER THERE IS NO CURRENT NEED FOR ME TO DO SOME PHOTO OPS AT THE MOMENT..I WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE TO TAKE PICS OF THE NUMBER 1 GYMTARD THERE.

WHICH BRING ME TO THE NEXT POINT THAT I WANTED TO COVER:  SAFETY! 

WHAT DO I MEAN BY THAT? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN ON A CERTAIN MACHINE (LETS SAY A "HAMMER STRENGTH" HIGH ROW) AND SOMEONE COMES OVER AND TAKES A WEIGHT PLATE OF IT WHILE YOU ARE IN MID REP...IT HAPPENED TO ME, AND WHEN I TOLD THE PERSON TO PLEASE WAIT TILL I FINISHED THE SET, I GOT SOME LIP ACTION..
 GOOD THING MY GRIP DIDN'T SLIP AND SQUASH THE "GYMTARD'S" BRAINS ALL OVER THE PLACE!

 PEOPLE NEED TO BE AWARE THAT THAT A GRIP COULD SLIP, AND THEN NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A WEIGHT COMING DOWN ON YOUR HEAD... I'VE SEEN PEOPLE REACH IN THE AREA OF THE WEIGHT STACKS OF CABLE MACHINES TO GET VARIOUS GRIPS WHILE PEOPLE ARE DOING CABLE FLY..VERY DANGEROUS. IT FALL UNDER GYM COURTESY, BUT I THINK PEOPLE CARE MORE ABOUT THEIR OWN SKINS, THAN EACH OTHER. ANY IDEA HOW BAD YOU COULD INJURED WITH A GRIP HITTING YOU IN THE FACE?

ANOTHER ISSUE I HAVE NOTICED IS  THE FREE WEIGHT BARS (LONG/45 LBS) THAT ARE ON THE STANDS...MOST GYMS/FACILITIES SHOULD HAVE FLUORESCENT/DAYGLO MARKINGS ON THE END, AS THESE ARE USUALLY RETURNED TO A HEAD HEIGHT LOCATION, AND SOMETIMES WE DON'T SEE THEM (AS HAPPENED TO ME, AND STILL WEARING A GOOD SIZE LUMP CLOSE TO THE TEMPLE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY HEAD...

OTHER THAN THAT, ALL'S WELL, AND HOPE YOU ALL ARE HAVING A GREAT SUMMER, AND SEE YOU NEXT MONTH!

You know, at first I wasn’t that into “Nikita.” Sure, the rogue assassin series reboot for the CW features one of my favorite TV archetypes: The hot girl who kicks ass. Still for whatever reason I just didn’t feel that excited. I think it’s because the CW is known more for hot gossip than killer action. But that was before I found out Maggie Q’s tattoos are real. Yes, real. Dude. Of course, I should have been on the bandwagon from the start. Asian girls got to represent. But to be honest all I knew about her was that she was in that “Mission: Impossible” threequel I never saw and had done work in Hong Kong. Well, welcome home, Ms. Quigley.

After reading about how at the TCAs and Comic-Con Maggie utterly charmed the assembled TV critics (a notoriously cranky and hard to charm bunch), I now more than impressed. Like when onstage at Comic-Con she joked about hanging out with all the other CW stars: “You can’t imagine how good looking it is backstage. I had to push the A-cups up a little.” And then at the TCA she commented on how people always think Asians automatically knows kung fu: “Yes, we wake up and do kung fu, then we brush our teeth.” And, just in case she hadn’t made all the gay gals absolutely swoon yet, she also said: “I like to wear less makeup and be tougher. (Dressing up is) exciting for people, but it’s less exciting for me.” All that and those tattoos. Sign me up, I’m in. So in. Happy weekend, all.

It’s happening! It’s really happening! It’s like the skies have opened up! It’s like the heavens are weeping – WITH JOY! The Meryl Streep/Tina Fey mother-daughter movie is happening. Sony has optioned the package, which is still in the treatment stage. But who needs a full script when you have Meryl, Tina and Stanley Tucci directing? This news is so momentous, I feel like it should be a national holiday. I feel like this should be celebrated in song. Can anyone sculpt? I feel like a statue is in order. Also, is it too early to start standing in line for my ticket?

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the tentatively titled “Mommy & Me” will “spotlights the thorny and funny sides of mother-daughter relationships.” But, hell, it can spotlight whatever it wants. It’s Tina Fey. It’s Meryl Streep. If they read the phone book together for 90 minutes I’d still watch devotedly while chomping down on a tub of popcorn. In fact, the only way this movie could be more awesome is if Helen Mirren signed on to play Meryl’s lesbian lover. Oh, and then Lena Headey signed on to play Tina’s lesbian lover. What? We’re dreaming big here, people. BIG.

Oh hai, Sarah Shahi, we’ve missed you. So yesterday everyone’s favorite former fake DJ/jilted bride got verified on Twitter. Apparently she’s been tweeting up a storm from the Vancouver set of her new USA show “Facing Kate.” And she has also been trying to get for former fake happy naked times friend to tweet her back. It’s kind of adorable.

Now, clearly, in her last post I replaced the word “tweet” with another verb in my head. An action verb. A naughty action verb. What? You know you did, too. Need a visual? Scroll down.

Right. So there’s that. Of course there will more than likely be considerably less impromptu kitchen table striptease moments on her new show. She plays an attorney who leaves the high profile world of law behind to become a mediator. No official pictures have been released yet (but the TCAs are this week, so fingers crossed). Sarah has tweeted photos from the set and her trailer.

That last one is part of a protest to get offshore drilling dropped by the Oceana organization. I just want to hug her, and possibly a dolphin. Sarah is an amazing mix of hot and adorable. Hotable? Adorot? Even more hotable (yeah, I went with that one) is that she misses us back. See.

At this point you’re probably scanning your TV and trying to set your DVR for her return. Well, we still have to wait until November. Until then why don’t we entertain ourselves with thoughts of possibly the greatest yet-to-be-developed Sarah Shahi show of all time: “Facing Kate Moennig.”

I’m in kind of a tough girl phase right now. Well, it’s not really a phase. I mean, we can’t help who we like, right? I’m really feeling the lady bad asses. Perhaps it was “Salt,” which I enjoyed immensely. Angelina once famously said she wanted to be Bond, not a Bond girl and boy did she ever deliver. Asses kicked, not stirred. The ERA of action has been long overdue. Sure, we’ve had the Founding Mothers of Bad Assery: Sigourney, Linda, Action Angie. But there’s always room for more. So let’s take a look at some recent contenders.

Now, I have no idea what is happening in this trailer for “Sucker Punch.” Young women in crazy school girl outfits going all Mortal Kombat on an assortment of baddies (Samurai soldiers, Nazis, dragons!). I think it has something to do with a girl being taken to an insane asylum to be lobotomized. But plot schmot, who wants some eye candy?

Michelle Rodriguez is many things. Tough. Resilient. Smoking hot in a tank top. But what she isn’t too often on screen is alive. Her characters have the unfortunate tendency to end up dead. How dead and how often? Well, off the top of my head:

Resident Evil – Dead
BloodRayne – Dead
Lost – Dead
Fast & Furious – Dead
Avatar – Dead

So, that’s a lot of resting in pieces. Now, Michelle has her own thoughts on why this keeps happening. She told io9.com at Comic-Con:

“Because I don’t take my clothes off, and I'm nobody’s girlfriend. The writers are new to the whole tough girl thing, and they don’t know what to do with [me]. We’ve got the dude who’s strong, so what do we do with the chick who’s strong? We kill her. Eventually they’ll get used to it, and maybe Salt will change a thing or two.”

Now, I haven’t always agreed with Michelle on everything, but right here she is right on the money. Hollywood doesn’t know what to do with the tough girl. And women who consistently play tough, well they really don’t know what to do with them. Oh, wait, they do – kill them.

Michelle was also her delightfully colorful and non-PC self again when speaking with The Playlist at Comic-Con. [Hat tip, Norma Desmond!] When asked about being typecast as “The Tough Girl,” she let loose. Witness.

“Oh baby, I was typecast the minute I did a film called, 'Girlfight' years ago. That has nothing to do with anything, it just to do with... you allow yourself to be typecast. If I decided I didn’t want to be typecast tomorrow I’d just go do an indie film where I play some poor girl who goes through some excruciating experience and win myself an award for crying or being raped [breaks into laughter] or playing someone with mental illness. But at the end of the day I’m not in it for the acting. If I were in it for the acting then I would be worried about people not giving me the opportunity to express my vast array of emotions on the screen.

I could give two shits. I only wanna be someone or I respect or someone that I consider interesting or fun. I’m here to entertain people and make a statement about female empowerment and strength and that’s what I've done for the last 10 years, and people can call it typecast, but I pigeonholed myself and I put myself in that box for saying no to everything else that came on my plate. Saying no to the girlfriend, saying no to the girl that gets captured, no to this, no to that and eventually I just got left with the strong chick that’s always being killed and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Nope, Michelle, nothing at all. Well, except for the dead part. Those are some mighty big swipes she is taking, but I would expect nothing less from an actor who says she isn’t in it for the acting. So how about letting the strong chick live instead? Come on, Hollywood, are you ready to be strong?

After an amazing week of a family reunion vacation, I find myself reflecting on the power of family. And, how they create who we are. And, well, that goes right on back to Mom and Dad for me. What I remember as a defining moment in my life was when my Mom sat me down when I was about 9 years old and explained what my parents expected from me. She proceeded to say that I was born "cute" and that was a gift. I didn't have to work at it and I didn't earn it. So, from that moment forward I would never hear my parents praise the fact that I was cute. And, the fact my brother was a bit of a genius (top 100 high school students in America, barely studied and got straight A's, graduated college with honors, so basically every siblings nightmare) was never going to be discussed either, because it was a gift to him as well. These gifts were given to us and we had not earned them. But, what would be praised was anything we did with these gifts and any others we created ourselves.

Photo credit: Photobucket

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m really more of a Team Lena kind of gal. Still I’ve always liked Piper Perabo and thought her cute as a button. A button that gets to kiss Lena Headey. But I never really felt that, well, umpf that makes my knees wobble and my pulse quicken. That is until now. Seeing her fight and flash that smirk. Seeing her kick ass and keep her cool in those tightly tailored suits. It’s all working for me, even if her new show rockets unapologetically into giddy preposterousness from time to time. “Covert Affairs” is all about Piper. That slip of a girl (well, not really a girl, we’re practically the same age), doing all those feats of derring-do.

There was a moment in this week’s episode when Piper, glistening sweat from hitting the heavy bag, looks over her shoulder and it reminded me in an instant why I love women. There was a grace and poetry amid the iron and grit. That duality – the hard and the soft, the head and the heart, the light and the dark. In that moment it all came together. I saw it along the epic curve of her cheekbones, the sweeping slope of her neck – those lines you want to follow forever. This is why books are written, this is why songs are sung. This is why we try and fail and try again. Also, have I mentioned she was wearing a sports bra? Yeah, sometimes it’s also that simple. Happy weekend, all.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I liked “Inception.” It was like one of those M.C. Escher paintings from you college dorm room came to life, spun around a dozen times and then spit out that guy from “Titanic” and that gal from “Juno.” Also, who doesn’t love Ellen Page in an assortment of neckerchiefs? But what I really want is a little lady action. Sure Marion Cotillard gets to brandish a weapon here and there. But I crave is the big, bad-ass ladies with even bigger guns. I mean, damn Michelle Rodriguez, damn. So now the only question is, old school or new school? Decisions, decisions.

OLD SCHOOL

Gail DavisAnnie’s got not one, but two guns. As it should be.

Jane FondaWell now, Ms. Ballou, I like the way you point that thing.

Marlene DietrichThis is her just hanging at the shooting range in leather pants.

Pam GrierShe wasn’t called Foxy Brown for nothing.

Audrey HepburnAdmittedly, this is just adorable. I mean, a sun hat – come on.

NEW SCHOOL

Zoe SaldanaModern girls know how to double-fist it, too.

Noomi RapaceNo American version needed, thank you very much.

Milla Jovovich & Ali LarterTwo girls, one shotgun. So much better.

Yvonne StrahovskiIn my dream scenario Agent Sarah Walker and Agent Annie Walker meet and compare, um, guns.

Angelina JolieYes, I know, we already had a lengthy discussion about sodium content this week. But Ebert gave “Salt” four stars, and I want it to do well this weekend. Ladies first, ya know.

So, ladies – old school or new school? Or is it just fun to be schooled, period?

So the marketers of “Salt” have a new digital campaign meant to pique interest in Angelina Jolie’s new spy thriller. But try as they might, all they seem to be accomplishing is to make me worry about my sodium intake. “DON’T TRUST SALT!” “SALT MUST DIE!” “SALT KILLS!” Am I the only one who has a sudden urge to look into high blood pressure medications? Also, call me paranoid, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Mrs. Dash is behind all of this.

Look, I know they’re trying to be all mysterious. I know they want to build buzz. But come on, they’re missing the biggest marketing advantage this movie has. Hello, your movie star is Angelina Jolie. No one cares about Salt, except possibly the Surgeon General. Everyone cares about Angelina Jolie, except possibly Jennifer Aniston. Just plaster her face all over posters and be done with it. Show her with a gun. Show her kicking ass. Show her with blonde hair. Show her with black hair. Just show her. She’s Angelina freaking Jolie.

I would even prefer slightly off-center, OCD-triggering Angelina Jolie to no Angelina Jolie. Unless, of course, I’ve misunderstood the entire film’s premise and this is really a probing expose of the Morton Salt Girl. Why is she carrying an umbrella while spilling salt? Is the salt some sort of chemical weapon? Is she a terrorist? Oh my god, SALT DOES KILL!

Though, now that I think about it, Angelina in a movie about the Morton Salt Girl, now that’s a movie that screams Oscar. The unwanted water retention alone would nab her a nomination.

To be honest, at first I was the tiniest bit appalled. What is this loud show about these obnoxious teenagers whose lives seem to be an endless blur of getting drunk, getting high, getting fucked, fucking each other and fucking up royally? But then, I kept watching. First impressions are important, but they rarely tell the whole story. Setting a locker on fire at least catches your attention, right? And then, all of a sudden, I knew. I knew that this wasn’t just about kids looking to party, but about kids realizing how weird and confusing and exciting and terrifying and disappointing and beautiful life can right at the cusp of adulthood – and often well thereafter.

So, now, well – I’m a believer. I hadn’t watched “Skins” ever before. Of course I’d heard all about it. Friends had raved about it. Writers had waxed eloquent about it. But I’d never watched, until this weekend. But then, boy, did I watched. I started with season 3, for obvious reasons. I watched the first six episodes all in one setting, finishing just as the sun was starting to make its presence known. Waking up later that morning, was like waking up after having great sex with someone new for the first time. You look over and think, “I get to do this again and again. FUCKING BRILLIANT.” The next night I marathoned the last four, swallowing them whole without bothering to chew. And as we speak (well, I type, you read – semantics), I am using all of my willpower to not make a few clicks and start watching season 4. Oh, that intoxicating first blush of love when you can’t keep your hands off each other.

Skins is so many things: Hilarious, overblown, sexy, fun, heartbreaking, confounding, joyous, randy, poignant, silly, absurd, wise, disturbing, courageous and real. Also, dude, how does every teen in Britain have such seemingly effortless access to weed? But mostly they’re just good stories, spun so well that we can’t help but care what happens to every single one of these obnoxious teenagers.

Gosh, and we haven’t even talked about Naomily yet. I’ve downloaded their episodes to my iPhone and carry them around with me in my pocket everywhere I go. That’s now I feel about Naomi and Emily. I’m not sure I’ve watched another show, another scene on TV that has made my wibbly bits feel all wobbly and then my spirit feel so shattered in a less than three minutes flat. In fact, I’m sure of it. And then the cat-flap. Even if they only existed in that one episode it would still rank as one of the most nuanced, most honest, most amazing portrayals of gay teenagers to be put on screen. “So be brave, and want me back.” Man, is that not falling in love in a nutshell?

Smitten, just smitten.